Ash VS the T-Virus
by nattygwillikers
Summary: Ash is comfortable with his life after the events of the cabin and going back in time. But things change when he is suddenly relocated to a new S-mart store opening in Raccoon city. On arrival it doesn't take long to realize maybe he can't escape battling the dead.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Ash Williams and I work at S-Mart. It's not glorious but it is peaceful. After the shit I've been through, stocking shelves and helping people find the 2-ply is a hellova lot better then standing knee deep in deadite guts. I've enjoyed my work so much, in fact, that today when I go in the manager has a special promotion he wants to talk to me about.

Ash walked past the automatic doors of the S-Mart entrance, whistling. He winked at the girl working the front register and sauntered back to the managers office. The moment his head was turned from her she flipped him off. Walking into the office, Ash swung the chair around and sat with his arms on the back rest.

"So chief, whats this big promotion you got for me?" The manager turned away from the computer screen to face Ash. He looks just like Ted Raimi.

"Yeah, so hey big guy, I have the greatest ultimatum for you." He grabbed a manilla folder and slapped it in front of Ash. He just started at it then looked up at the manager.

"Ultimatum?" He asked confused then grabbed the folder and flipped through the pages. It was details on a new S-Mart store branch opening up.

"S-Mart is blazing across America and With my word to the higher ups, I want you to be a pioneer." He smiled and swayed back and forth in his chair.

"Wait a second, this store is in Colorado. Are you seriously sending me away just to work at another branch?" Ash frowned and tossed the folder back on the table.

"Not work...Run, you will be its manager!" The man started clapping. Ash rubbed his fantastic chin as he envisioned ruling over a new store.

"Well, I did lead an army against the undead. I could handle some employee's." Ash grabbed the file again to look through it more thoroughly showing interest.

"Great! So, you start in two days. Thats when it's grand opening is, you would be a shit manager if you didn't make it to that. So start packin', bub." The manager spun back to the side again and started clacking away at the keyboard.

"Wait, what?! It takes more then two days to uproot my life and move to-" Ash paused and looked at one of the papers in the file. "Racoon City, Really? Only Colorado would name a town after a feral animal." The manager sighed in annoyance.

"You have two days to get there or the jobs not yours anymore." The manager grabbed another folder that was much thicker with papers and slapped it in front of ash.

"And before you ask, No, you can't stay and work here. This is all the sexual harassment complaints from female employees that have built up over time." The manager pulled out a few papers from the file and started reading off the complaints.

'Ican't wear a skirt to work anymore because Ash always makes me use the latter to stock the top shelves and offers to hold it steady. He just does it to peep!'

"Hey, in all fairness skirts are against dress policy in the first place." Ash chimed in poorly defending himself. The manager just lifted his eyebrows then looked back at the complaints.

'Ash is a total pig! I'm only working here still because I enjoy watching him drink the coffee I spit in.'

"Wait, hold up...Thats Holly right? She has been buying me coffee everyday for at least two years. Hates me so much she paid three dollars a day to watch me drink spit?" Ash didn't seem to hurt by the complaints. Even though some ofbthe women are even willing to pay to watch him suffer it still didn't faze his ego. The manager stopped reading them off as Ash had a smart comment or rebuttled to each one.

"Look Ash, you take this new job or you stay here and have no job along with a feminist uprising at your back!" The manager yelled clearly at his wits end. Ash just rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Sheesh, ok amigo." Once he said this the manager had turned back to the computer and started typing again. Ash looked over to catch a glimps of the screen.

"What is SAO fanfiction?" He asked puzzled. The managers face turned red and he frantically turned off the monitor.

"I-its nothing! Now get the hell out!" He yelled pointing at the door.

"God damn ok, ok, I'm just confused, I only use computers to 'help out' when I dont catch a lady friend at the bar." Ash said this as he walked to the threshold of the office door. The manager didn't acknowledge his comment so Ash turned his head slightly before leaving and muttered.

"Fanfiction, what a loser."

Once out of the office Ash was shocked by the sight in front of him. It was litterally every female employee at S-Mart. Together they all held up a big sign that said 'Good luck, Ash!' He looked confused as he walked by all the smiling women. They had popers and one even opened champagne. Once he got out of the store and in his delta 88 Oldsmobile, it was off to Colorado.

'I didn't want to move. I guess it's good to change things up once and awhile. I've killed countless monsters, traveled in time, and stopped bly- Wait wrong series. Anyways, I could handle this change and since my house is portable it's not a major inconvenience. Something about this Raccoon city didn't sit right with me though. The recent news around the area had a lot of unexplained murders and while I drove through the dark winding roads of the Colorado rockies, it gave me a uneasy nostalgia of driving to that cabin.'

Part one: Deadites or not deadites?

As ash came around the bend lights could be seen in the distance. He drove by small clusters of farm styles houses on the outskirts of town. 'So this is Racoon City, huh?' He thought to himself. The radio started to tune into a local channel but the stereo system in his car was on the fritz.

'Warning! All reside- Inside, Do not...Martial law is- God bless'

"Piece of shit!" Ash yelled as he smacked the radio. Needless to say it didn't fix it, just made the channel change to R.E.M. playing 'It's the end of the world' He didn't seem to mind as he poorly sang along to it while driving.

Ignoring the constant back and forth of helicopters flying in and out of the cities and the liberal amount of traffic leaving town, Ash continued to bebop into the city. Seeing a local gas station coming into sight he decided to pull over and fill up. stepping out of the car a young man was idly standing near by wearing a blue blazer sporting the gas stations logo. Ash, not paying attention, tossed his keys at the guy hitting him on the side. The man made no reaction to this and the keys fell to the ground.

"Hey, fill her up por favor." He said walking into the convenience store.Didn't even turn his head or bother to look and see that he just hit the guy with his keys.

Inside the store, florescent lights buzzed and gave the place an unnatural brightness. He grabbed a six pack of beers and jerky before walking to the front.

"Hello!" Ash yelled scanning the area. The place was completely empty. Even looking around the outside, all he could see was the lone gas attendant who to his suprise was still standing in the same spot.

"Hello, paying customer here!" He yelled out again. After a moment of no sound aside from the lights he pulled out his wallet and dropped ten dollars on the counter. "So yeah, just going to leave this here." Once he set the money on the counter a bloody hand grabbed his wrist from behind the counter. Ash, being startled, tried to move away but the hand held him in place.

"What the hell?!" He struggled to break free. The person that held his wrist came into light as they stood up from behind the counter. It was a woman who looked about her mid twenties. She had blood shot eyes and large amounts of dried blood caked around her mouth. Ash started to panic and pulled against her grip even more. "Either you're a lesbian that got busy at the wrong time or a very sloppy bloody mary drinker." She showed no reaction to his words just grabbed his arm with her other hand and moved her head to his exposed skin. Ash twisted his arm and pulled back, this made a loud pop sound as his fake hand came off. The woman held the wooden hand looking puzzled for a moment. She started to violently gnaw on it then after realizing it wasn't flesh, dropped it. She started crawling over the counter so Ash ran back to his car.

"Hey pal, I need my keys!" He said running up the the attendant that had not moved a inch since he went inside. This time however the man turned his head revealing his jaw was completely missing. Ash jumped back in fear and quickly got in his car. It didn't take long after he caught his breath when the reality set in that his keys are still outside. The attendant slammed his body against the driver side door and smacked its graphic bloody face against the window making garbled flemy sounds.

"Guess the altitude really get to these people." He remarked. Quickly wiggling his way to the passanger seat to try and get out but before opening the door the female worker from inside slammed up against it. Now he was completely trapped. Looking around frantically for anything that could help he realized anything useful in this situation was hitched to the back of the car. His boom stick and chainsaw was in the camper. After bing stumped for a moment he looked at the back seat and got an idea. Moving to the back he folded the seats down exposing the trunk. Crawling inside he pulled the latch flipping it open. Quickly hopping out he ran to the trailer door and tried to open it. It was locked and once again he realized the keys are over by the pump. The two people lazily slumped his direction and when he noticed how slow they moved it put him at a slight ease. Running around and grabbing the keys he waited till they came closer to him and away from the car before running back over to the camper. He went inside and grabbed the shotgun and loaded two rounds in it. waiting inside for them to come by the doorway he aimed at the threshold. Once they came into his sights he grinned.

"Sorry baby, I don't do devils three ways." After his line he fired both barrels. The wide buck shot hit both knocking them on their backs. He walked out and poked the twitching corpses with the smoking barrel. After being satisfied, he made his way to the car.

Getting in the driver seat he heard a loud motorcycle pull up at a pump next to his. The rider was a slender built woman and when she took off her helmet it revealed silky red hair. Ash could tell shee wasn't one of those things so he got out and ran up to her.

"Hey, don't stay here it's dangerous.!" He yelled. The woman looked puzzled and stepped back as Ash approached her. She took a defensive stance as if he was some crazed lunatic.

"Why, whats going on?" She asked keeping a distance. Ash pointed at the bodies by his trailer and ranted about no jaws and bloody faces. This just made him look even worse in her eyes and at a distance when she looked at the bodies it was hard to make out their ghoulish details so it didn't help his case. Putting two and two together she slowly moved to her motorcycle and tried to drive away from this murderous psycho. But as she tried to kick start the bike a large man wearing jeans and a plaid shirt with a trucker hat grabbed her. He pulled her off the bike and they both tumbled to the ground. The man got up first and pinned her to the ground.

The man had rabid eyes and dried blood around his face and streams of it coming from his ears. He tried chomping at her but she held his face a few inches from her own with her forearm. Screaming for help, Ash held up his shotgun and fired...And forgot he used both rounds already.

"Shit, ok ummm, hang on, gotta reload!" He fumbled running back to the camper. Quickly, he grabbed two rounds and loaded them then returned and took aim. As the two struggled he realized that the odds of shooting her were high. Instead he ran up and hit the large man in the side of the face with the butt of the gun. This was enough to shift his weight and allow her to shove him off. Once she was out of the way and the man stood up, Ash took aim again.

"Sorry pal, She's no lot lizard." He pulled both triggers guaging a massive hole in the guys torso. After the shot finished echoing all that could be heard was the buzz of lights around the gas station.

"Now do you believe me?" He asked. She just stood there stunned for a moment before speaking.

"I...What was that thing?" She asked stuttering in disbelief. Ash loomed over the corpse and poked it a few times with his gun.

"It's a 'Time to leave and not come back' thats what it is." As he said this he started to walk back to the car. The woman just stood there motionless from shock. "Hey, sister it's time to vámonos, go, get the hell outta dodge!" His words didn't seem to faze her so he walked back over and waved his hand in front of her face.

"I can't leave." She replied pushing his hand away irritated.

"Ummm hello, the folk here are a tit on the cannibalistic side." He argued. She walked back over to her bike and got on.

"My brother is in the city and I can't turn back." She said hitting the kick start. She put on her helmet and before taking off, Ash moved in front of her path.

"Look, you can't go into that city alone!" He yelled having a sound battle with the engine. She cut it and took her helmet off with an impatient look on her face.

"Get out of my path, every moment im here, my brother is increasingly getting into more danger." Ash walked over to her side.

"Look, it sounds odd but i've dealt with this kinda stuff, and it's too dangerous." He kept warning her but it was obvious she wouldn't budge so he cursed to himself then let out a sigh. "At least let me come with you, I have a gun and can't let a pretty lady go into that ugly town without some muscle." He said reluctantly. She didn't really like the idea of being around this man more then she had two but felt a bit indebted from him saving her a moment ago.

"Fine, get on." She said scooting forward a bit on the seat. Ash looked at the back of the bike and shook his head.

"First off, I don't ride bitch seat. Second, that tin can over there is my house and my life. I'm not leaving it. Plus I have tools and ammo inside we may need in the city." He argued, mostly for the sake of his manhood.

She was irritated but it did sound like the logical choice so she got off her bike and agreed to travel with him. When they walked up to his car she got a good look at the bodies and could now see they matched the morbid look of the trucker. Her face contorted looking at the one with no jaw.

"He probably lost it getting a good look at my chiseled face." Ash said looking at her twisted face. She just looked at him and just shook her head in pitty. As The two drove into town it was mostly silent in the car till Ash broke the ice.

"So, have a name with that attitude and hair of a crimson goddess?" He asked.

"It's Claire, Claire Redfield." She replied coldly.

"Groovy Claire, im Ash, Ash Williams." To his warm greeting she just nodded her head and looked out the window. "If our conversation keeps like this, I'll have to turn the heater on." He said sarcastically. She turned her head to face him and showed no sign of amusement in his remarks.

"You said you have 'experience' with these things, what does that mean?" She asked.

"Open the glove box will you." He said pointing at it. She opened it and inside underneath some papers was a book with leather binding. Pulling it out she looked a bit startled when the disfigured face on the cover came into view. "Thats the Necronomicon, written by some mad Arib, blah blah Akbar or something." Claire ignored his racist rant and started flipping through the blood inked pages.

"I've never seen a book like this, how does it relate to the people back there?" She asked without moving her eyes from the pages. It was clear she was now engrossed in the book.

"It's about deadites, basically they are pissed off demons that possess people and generally come after me." Ash replied recalling the events of the cabin in vivid detail. As he did so it dawned on him how much different the people at the gas station acted compared to the ones he faced back then. The town started to close in and the two stopped talking when they saw how graphic things in the inner city were. Fire was set in just about every other building and cars littered the streets abandoned and crashed. He had to stop when an over turned bus blocked the road ahead.

"Shit, Gotta turn around." He tried backing up but the narrow road and crashed cars made it almost impossible with his camper. "Shit I cant turn around like this." Claire shook her head.

"Told you the bike was better, we could easily have maneuvered past this mess." As she said this Ash let out a sigh and got out.

"So where does your brother live?" He asked scanning the area. Claire joined him outside the car and looked up ahead.

"Best bet is at the police station, it should just be a few blocks up ahead." She said straining her eyes.

Ash and her then went inside the trailer and grabbed anything useful. She looked over and figured it would be a good time to ask about his hand. Ash cocked an eyebrow and he held up his nub.

"I lost this bad boy saving a drowning child that a shark was hassling, great white bastard took my hand-" Ash walked up face to face with Claire. "But it was a small price to pay to save a life." He finished giving her a seductive look.

"judging by your character, a drunk ballistics accident or a 'Hold my beer' moment probably really took it." She said not buying his story. Ash grabbed his chest dramatically and gave an expression of pain.

"Your cut may say, made in heaven, but I beg to differ." The two argued and the banter continued till they had everything that would probably help for the road ahead. Ash filled is pockets with as many shot gun shells as he could fit and grabbed a flask sitting in the kitchen area. He then went to the back and flipped over the mattress revealing a latch handle. Once pulled, it opened a secret hatch that housed his modified chainsaw. Attaching the proper bandoliers and fastened the straps he equiped the massive hardware tool to his wrist. Claire still rummaging turned around to see his new accessory.

"That looks terribly impractical." She said shaking her head.

"This bad boy cuts through monsters like butter baby, it does however tend to get a lot of blood and bodily fluids on you." He pulled the string and fired it up. Giving it a few revs he smiled. "But thats a small price to pay."

After they finished grabbing things and went outside the sound of the chainsaw drew attention and now a mob encircled them. Ash and claire looked at each other then back at the large crowd. Ash took a bad ass stance and glaired at the horde of monsters.

"I totally forgot my beer and ten dollars back at the store." His line didn't match up in anyway with the pose. Claire just face palmed and rubbed her temple. Ash cleared his throat and took the hero stance once again.

"Pocket full of shells, half a tank of gas and an army of the dead." Ash grinned.

"Groovy."


	2. part two: Dont bicker with a licker

Part two: Don't bicker with a licker

After firing a few rounds into the crowd, realization hit. Clearing a path this way wont be possible. Looking back, Ash spotted the propane tank fastened to the front of his trailer.

"Hold'em off for a second. I have a plan!" Ash yelled running back twords the car.

He unhooked the tank and yanked it off. Running back up to the crowd, he tossed it. Giving the 12 guage a flashy spin around his hand he took aim.

"Boom, baby!"

Firing both barrels the aim was dead on but the pellets just grazed the tank without penetrating it.

"...No boom?" Ash looked over at Claire with a cocked eyebrow and shrugged shoulders.

She shook her head and aimed the pistol but it was too late. A sea of rotten fleshy blood covered legs blocked it from view. In a panic, she looked around for a plan B. Glancing up at one of the apartment buildings there was a fire escape ladder about a story high. She looked at it and then the trailer putting two and two together.

"Give me your keys." Claire demanded.

Confused, he tossed them to her and with haste she jumped in the driver seat and started the car. Tried to start the car. It kept making sounds but wouldn't turn over.

"It won't start!" She yelles in frustration.

"Oh yeah, Turn off the lights, and radio then give the gas a few pumps while you start it." He said giving her detailed instructions on how to start a car that desperately needs retirement.

"Why do you drive such a piece of shit!" Even following his ritual to get the thing running it still wouldn't start. She thrust her palms on the steering wheel in frustration.

Ash unloaded a few more rounds on some of the quicker creatures closing in and ran back to the car. He signaled her to get out and after a few sexual words and inappropriate dashboard stroking he got it started.

"Hurry, back it up against that building!" Claire yelled as she fired the last of her ammo into the crowd.

Ash climbed half out the window and looked up and behind to see the ladder then popped back in his seat. He was about to start backing up when a mutilated walking corpse pervaded the rear view mirror. In the next instant, a cut up fleshy arm reached in the open window and grabbed his shirt. In a panic, Ash slammed the gas and the car, trailer and all went backwards fast enough to send half his home into the building.

"Hurry! Climb up!" Claire yelled while running on top of the hood. She leapt past the hitch and scaled the trailer. Ash quickly followed suit. On his jump however the lack of two hands made it hard so claire had to help him up. Just in time to. there was a sea of hands nipping at his soles. Once they reached the rooftop a sigh of relief was shared as they gazed down at the mass of mindless blooded and mangled people.

"You sure now how to make a mess." Claire said looking down at the smashed trailer.

"Hey, its an addition." Ash stretched his hand out and motioned like reading a sales ad in the paper. "Downstairs apartment renovated. Added new room and kitchen with small second bathroom." He concluded with a stupid grin.

Claire couldn't tell if she wanted to laugh or hit him with the butt of her gun. A part of her hated his stupidity, but another part admired his cool head in such a situation. Both scanned the area around the square rooftop. On the opposite side was another fire escape that led into an alley that looked, for the most part, vacant of any threat.

"Maybe we can cut through that alley and loop around that crowd to get into the police station." Claire said to no open ears. She turned around at the lack of reply and noticed Ash counting the few shells he had left in his pocket.

"Good plan sister. But only if we are running into a few of those things." Ash looked at her gun. "In guessing your empty?" Claires silence answered the question.

"It's our only option. We cant just stay up here." Both stood silent for a moment thinking about their options.

"What about the newly renovated apartment?" Ash pointed at the roof entrance door in the middle.

"Still on about that joke?" Claire snapped back still frustrated at the situation.

"It wasn't that good of one. And no, maybe we can find some supplies before hitting up the alley. 9mm and 12 guage aren't exactly rare ammos and maybe we can make some home brew bombs." He didn't wait for her consent on it and started for the door.

"You can make bombs?" Claire asked somewhat doubtful he was capable.

"Not the best ones. But, I can make them good enough to blow up my evil twin." Ash answered looking in the distance as if on a short nostalgia trip.

His answer only gave her more questions but he sounded capable. She wished there was any other idea to argue his but she thought of none. They both proceeded into the building. It was dark and felt stagnant. This could be a good sign though. No smell of blood and rotting flesh could mean the place was sealed off well enough to keep those things out.

"You check the top two floors. I'll check the bottom two." Ash said as they reached the first door in the stairwell. Claire nodded and they both began scavenging.

The darkness made it hard but the both found flashlights. Claire found a sturdy police grade one and Ash...Found a l.e.d. keychain one. After about a half hour rummaging separately, they met back in the stairwell. Claire had a pillowcase with holes bored in it and a extension cable fed threw to turn it into a sling bag. She was resourceful like that.

"I found some 9mm and a few products you toltold me would help make the bombs." She said as her hand sifted the contents.

Ash on the other hand just had his pocket filled uncomfortably tight with items and the rest between his arms. Claire rolled her eyes and opened her pack so he could drop what he found in it. After his hand was free he reached around to his back pocket and pulled out a green thong.

"Took forever to find this baby." Ash presented it to Claire. "For you m'lady."

She shot him a look of death then swipped them from his hands.

"I had to go through a lot of pairs to find green ones, let me tell ya, an auburn haired girl like you make a perfect contrast for green." He rambled on ignoring that Claire, using her lighter, lit them on fire. As soon as they blazed, she shoved them in his jeans.

"Shit! Shit! It was a joke!" He yelled hopping around like a fool trying to dig them out.

He did manage to find some useful items. Ammo, bandages, and such. The two went back to the roof amd managed to make two haphazard explosives. After making sure everything was in order they Proceeded down the ladder and in the alley. It was quiet all the way into the street. The silence made them uneasy and hasten their pace. Sure enough after a few blocks they made it behind the police station fence. A car had rammed into it making it easy to get over the iron bars and into the station grounds.

"This is a huge police station. I heard the majority demographic here is white. What gives?" Ashes question went unanswered as gunshots rang out from inside.

They both rushed to the side door and Ash kicked it in. Pass the threshold was a long hall that stretched into darkness. It was lit only by the exit sign and a red emergency light a few feet in by a fire alarm. They both moved silent and slow with barrels aiming down at the dark end. About half way in, Ash felt a warm and wet softness glide across the back of his neck.

"Oh, changed your mind huh?" Ash grinned. "It's ok baby, I'm like fine wine. An acquired taste. Bit bitter at first but amazing the more you take in." He turned around to see Claire was a few feet behind.

"What are you talking about pervert?" She asked confused at his kissy face.

Ash felt his neck to confirm the sensation he had. Sure enough it was wet. He smelled his hand and scrunched his face up. "Damn girl, you need to brush your te-" Before he could finish a long, slender pink, rope like object wrapped around his throat. As he struggled, Claire followed the slimy cord with her gun till the iron sights pointed at a large red mass that looked like a person turned inside out. Sporting off long teeth and claws it was clear now that it's tongue was what constricted Ash.

She fired a few rounds into what looked like its center back. The monster jerked, then scurried across the ceiling with speed like a light shined roach. As it moved, Ash was pulled off his feet and dragged along the floor. Claire tried firing again but missed. Ash had dropped his gun when he fell but the chainsaw was still fastened tight to his wrist. Giving up on unwrapping the creatures tongue, he darted his hand around the pull cord trying to grab it.

"Gah, I hate to say this." Ashs words muffled out with what little air he had. "But I don't french on the first date!" He finally grasped the pull cord and with one swift jerk, it fired up. One swing above his head and the tension around his neck went away. Part of it's tongue was now limp around his shoulder. The thing cried out in pain and anger. In the next moment it pushed off the ceiling to try and attack Ash but was met with a ripping chain. The saw made quick work of its insides and the creature became impaled all the way to the motor base of the saw. Liberal amounts of blood painted Ash as he pushed back and sent it off his chainsaw.

"Ash!" Claire ran up and froze in place when she saw the mess. The monster was still twitching so Claire shot a round in the exposed brains on it's head.

"Umm, you have a little something on you." Clair said pointing at the limp amputated tongue.

"Oh this." Ash took one end of it and flipped it over his shoulder like a scarf. "I fancy it in autumn."

He did a few model poses. As much as she didn't want to, it couldn't be helped. Claire burst out laughing. 'There is a charm to him' she thought. The idea was quickly dispersed when he started dancing like Jim Carry when he held the monopoly guy.

"We need to figure out where that gunshot came from." She said trying to get him out of his embarrassing victory moment.

They both moved to the next room about midway down the hall. It was a work office area. At the back was a board that showed a logo with S.T.A.R.S. on it. Claires eyes lit up as she spotted a desk off to the right. She ran up and grabbed the bomber jacket on the back of the chair.

"My brothers jacket..." Her excited expression changed to worried. "I hope you are still alive." She murmured.

"Woah, check this out!" Ash was at the desk at the very back. It was the biggest and looked like the bosses work space. Ash held up a couple photos.

"Boss man must lik'em young." Ash grinned as he handed the pictures to Claire.

All of them showed a young girl that looked no older then twenty. She was in a soccer outfit in one and in loose casual wear in the others. On the back of the photo in black marker read 'AlbertXRebecca'.

"Gross." Claire clicked her tongue and shoved the pictures back at Ash. "Bet you two would be best buds." She snarked.

"Eh, hairs a little short for me. But, he has ok taste. I'd have a beer with him." Ash tossed the photos on the desk and continued looking around.

After finding some supplies and ammo, Ash walked to the door. "I think this place is picked clean, lets ro-" He looked back to sew Claire nose deep in a file.

"Whats up, sister?" He walked over and peeked past her shoulder.

"My brothers report on Umbrella. He isn't in the city anymore." It should have been good news that he wasn't in this death trap but her words didn't show any signs of relief.

"Thats good right?"

"No, he is talking about fighting the company head on." She tossed the file in frustration. "He wont stand a chance against a trillion dollar company like them!"

"Woah, woah, woah.(Please read that in crashes voice for the haha) Lets slow down. Why is he chasing a company that sells ass cream and skin products for old hags?" Ash asked genuinely confused.

Claire explained the best she could from what her brothers report told her.

"So they decide to switch from stool softeners to playing god, huh? Im not surprised." Ash sighed. "So now what? We never followed that gun shot. Or should we book it out of town now that we know your brother isn't around?"

"We should try to look for that survivor first. Then get out of here." Claire reloaded her magazine and took one last look back at the jacket before they both left the room.

The tranquil moment came to an abrupt end when a large dark fist crashed into Ash's chest. Barely through the door and it struck him. The blow was inhuman, sending him flying five feet down the hall and to the ground. As he lay, gasping for air the thing shifted attention and swiftly clutched Claires throat.

"Gah, let go!" She yelled clawing and punching and the tree trunk thick arm.

Looking up she saw a dark skinned man no less then 8 feet tall. He was bald and had solid white eyes and wore a black trench coat.

Claire reached up to her shoulder and unsheathed her knife. With a thrust into his wrist and a twist he loosened grip. By this time Ash was able to get back on his feet.

"Yo, Terry Crews look alike. Eat this!" Ash aimed the shotgun at his face firing both barrels.

The large man was unnaturally quick. He managed to hold an arm in front of his face to absorb the pellets. The tall man put a shoulder forward and started to charge at him. Ash tried to start up the chainsaw but was halted when a basketball player sized hand palmed his chest sending him flying back for a second time to the ground.

"I...Can't...keep...getting bitch slapped...Like this!" Ash gasped. The blow drained everything out of him.

Drifting in and out of consciousness he could see the man getting closer and closer with each blink.

"Didn't think I would die at the hands of a black guy in a police station." He muttered in defeat.

Just as the large hand was about to envelop him a few gunshots rang by.

"This way you bastard!" Claire fired the rest of her clip. All the shots that hit made him faulter little. Only slightly nudging his body back with each shots contact. Claire knew it wouldn't be enough so she grabbed one on of the bombs they made and pulled out a make shift pin from its center.

"Take this!" She shook the container violently then tossed it at him. After it hit his body and fell to the floor a large explosion blinded everyone in the hall.

After his ears stopped ringing and vision came back Ash noticed the wall of rubble that was now formed in front of him.The side Claire and that large man was on now was cut off from him.

"Shit. Claire! Claire!" Ash cried out trying to move away the collapsed ceiling debris. It was too heavy and fatigue quickly won him over.

Ash was now alone in the station. Worse though was he didn't know if Claire was safe or not. He has to find away to find her again. No matter what.

"Hang on baby. I won't let things happen like up in the cabin ever again. I will save you." Ash loaded two new rounds in his shotgun and snapped it shut. "Thats a promise."

Hello, Sorry for taking so long on part 2. I've been working on an original story called H.H.S. It's first part is on here under 'misc books' but I would ultimately like to start working on it through . I'll try to keep updating this story weekly now -NattyG


	3. part three: Jilly doughnut

Part Three: Jilly Doughnut

Walking alone down the long winding halls with nothing but footsteps to occupy his ears, it made the adrenaline from fighting that large man fade away. Bravado and charisma, two of Ashes strong points had no play here. He gazed out one of the many destroyed windows to his left. Past the hastily fixed boards trying to cover it from sill to lintel, he could see nothing but black. Night was in full dress and he knew it would be a long date.

Most of the doors had broken handles, fastened deadbolts, and furnature blocking them off. Making his path a narrow one that lead to the open front desk entrance of the station. The silence was terrible and the clean polished floors gave an illusion that a apocalypse was not happening right outside.

" Echo!" His voice returned multiple times.

Ash walked around the large area and tried to open every door, save the exit doors. All locked. Everyone of them had a digital lock that seemed to open by a keycard or electronic system.

Striding up to the receptionist desk stationed in the middle of the room, he was faced with the one true foe he never could defeat...A computer. Using one hand to clack away at poor password attemps, while using his chainsaw tip to tenderly poke the spacebar it was a true showmanship of technology ignorance. After mocking his attempts with red 'invalid password' several times he aimed the shotgun at the monitor.

"Sorry baby, im not used to giving the software treatment. Im a 'hard' ware guy." Before pulling the trigger a loud noise started to come from the front double doors. Someone or something was banging relentlessly on them from the outside. The echoes boomed across the lobby.

"Hmm, I dont remember ordering pizza." Ash quipped as he cautiously moved up to them.

Keeping his gun aimed chest high at the door he slowly undid the locking latch then stepped back a few feet. The door flung open and a figure clamored in and shut it just as fast as it had opened. After turning the lock again the person in a heavy breathless heave, slumped to the ground resting against the doors. It was a young lady, maybe late 20s early thirties. Ash looked down and could see full smooth legs going all the way up to just the right cut off by a black short skirt from the good stuff. She had a wrinkled sweater tied at the waist and a light blue tube top. _One hottie to another_. Ash thought taking in all the view had to offer.

"You dont look infected, we need to move. That door wont hold long." She said and lept up with a second wind.

"And im Ash, nice to meet you." He extended his chainsaw arm.

The woman raised a brow. Probably confused at this survivors calm demeanor. She reluctantly pinched the saw blade and shook it like the awkward handshake it was.

"...Jill. Nice to umm, meet you." She immediately retracted her hand and voilently wiped it on her sweater. Ash took in one last eyefull from top to bottom and cracked a smile.

"With a getup like that, they should call it the blue light district." Proud of his remark it blinded him to her icy glare.

The shared moment of opposite air waves was cut short when the front doors shook violently. Both turned there attention to the inhuman manipulation of them as the frame around the handles began to crack and split. Next came loud bangs that could have only come from something as strong or more so then a battering ram. The handles and the hinges desperately held on looking to fall off at the first gentle knock.

"We have to run quick! Its coming!" Jill yelled as she rushed to the doors on the right.

"Everything is locked but that door and it leads to a rubble collapsed dead end." Ash said as he also analyzed an escape plan.

Jill stopped and changed course to the receptionist desk and started furiously working the computer.

"Good luck sister. I already tried that." As he finished speaking the final blow to the door hit. One fell flat to the floor while the other flung violently till it met the wall. Ash aimed his gun and noticed right away what was at the threshold. It was tall, much like the man he had faced with Claire but something was different. This one looked injured or perhaps, mutilated. Its skin protruded large inhuman size fleshy veins and the creatures face lacked lips, allowing its sharp well aligned teeth to show in full with its muscle textured gums. It looked almost as if the man he faced before had been tortured and tossed in acid. In horror to comprehend such a loathsome monster, Ash almost didn't notice it brandished a large rocket launcher.

"Oooo boy your ugly. I knew a gal in a fruit celler that would have made your perfect other." Ash gulped using his wit to tame the ever growing fear.

"Keep him busy! I'll have the doors open it a moment!" Jill yelled trying to ignore the abomination by pressing her face closer to the monitor.

"Oh, ok. Thats fine, nice boobs blue. I'll take the easy job." She ignored his sarcasm and he didn't really have time get a response as the creature took aim with its weapon.

"Thats a big no no!" Ash aimed at the launcher and fired both barrels. It didn't make it drop the weapon but it did change its aim. Once fired, the missle went up and right. By some queer luck it crashed out a window on the second level without exploding.

The creature, in a fury, tossed the launcher at Ash. Blocking with both arms crossed, the impact sent him to the ground. Noticing it's floored opponent, the lipless beast turned it's attention to Jill. Luckily it seemed to be in no hurry to apprehend her. With loud foot falls from its large black boots, the monster menacingly sauntered to her.

Ash, while still on the ground fired up his chainsaw as it stepped past. With a desperate horizontal swing he nipped the creatures heel making it stagger, but not completely fall. In a rage, it curled its large pale fingers into a fist and with full force in an arc, sent it down at Ash. He rolled away just in time. The blow sent its fist wrist deep in the floor. Smashing past authentic marble flooring. Standing up and seeing this damage, it told Ash that one wrong move was certain death.

"STARS." The monster bassed out.

The fact that it spoke made Ash feel even more uneasy. It turned its attention once again to Jill. No matter how much he pestered it, the thing seemed to have an infatuation for her.

"Yo, big boy!" Ash taunted. The creature glaired at him and Ash made a kissy face along with dramatic lip motions.

"See, I got lips! She couldn't kiss that ugly mug even if she wanted too." He persisted. Since the thing can speak, maybe it can understand him. Ash thought.

"Done!" Jill yelled as a latching sound echoed from all the surrounding doors.

The two immediately bolted for the first door on the right and made it safe inside and slammed the door before the large sharp toothed thing could give chase. It was clear that although it was strong, it didn't use its legs past a casual walk for some reason. Maybe it saw this as a game, or maybe it was one of the few flaws it did have. Seeing that it could wield weapons and had Incredible strength, movement was hardly a good enough drawback.

"We should be safe, for now." Jill said, catching her breath.

"What the hell are you talking about! It's right on the other side of the door!" Ash yelled aiming the shotgun at it.

Jill just looked at him in confusion. After a few minutes he finally swung the shotgun on his back holster.

"The hell? Did it need to take a piss or something?" Ash asked flabbergasted at the lack of Pursuit.

"Look over there." Jill said pointing at a trunk and typewriter. "It means we are safe." She added while taking inventory of her ammo. This just made him confused to the point it wasn't even worth asking.

"A lot of pretty and strong girls in this town. Usually the only strong women I come across want to swallow my soul." Ash tried to make conversation as he did a once over on the chainsaw to see if the rocket launcher impact from being thrown at him damaged it.

"Not many of us left, that 'Thing' is after my group."

"Group?" Ash asked.

"S.T.A.R.S., we are a special branch of the police force here. We...Found out a little too much." She looked lost in thought as she loaded a full clip into the 9mm.

"First the size of this station is crazy and now I find out it has a special sect. Jesus, this town a satellite for MS13?" Ash's words didn't even reach her. She looked as if a loved one or good friend had just died. Looking at the state of the city, that was probably true.

"So, why is it after you, and this elementary level named S.T.A.R.S. group? I remember seeing an office on the other end with that name." He asked.

Jill took a deep breath and told him the story of the Spencer estate. Ash was tentative to most of it but occasionally clacked on the typewriter out of boredom.

"So let me get this straight. You went to a crash site, found old yeller and his undead posse. They chased you into a cliché spooky mansion. Then you ended up getting the Brutus treatment from that dude who loves short hair girls, and because of that, a deadite who lifts too much is now after you all?" Ash summed up half assedly.

"Umbrella will do anything to cover this up. Even destroy the city." She added while moving to the door opposite of the one they entered.

"Destroy the city? Jesus, I don't even want to know what a company like Olay can do." Ash shook his head and followed her.

The two moved around the station luckly avoiding the big rocket man. Ash told her about Claire but as they looked, the only people found so far had already turned. Thanks to Jill's familiarity of the station it was easy to navigate. They soon looped around and made it back to the S.T.A.R.S. office. _At least I haven't found her corpse_. He thought. Trying to cover the guilt of not being able to save her. Jill went to her own desk and pulled out a few small metal tools from a drawer and her I.D. badge.

"Whats that?" Ash asked as he poked around her co workers desks hoping to find more risque photos.

"My lock pick." She said with a grin and walked back to the exit.

"You came all the way to the station for a lock pick? Just...Why?" Ash was stunned.

"A good friend gave this to me. Also, I can open this padlocked gate outside now." She justified, but it still didn't make him understand how a few pieces of cheap bent metal was worth the peril of this place.

Jill took her ID and flashed it at a magnetic pad attached to a locker. The light above turned green and she flung it open.

"And this!" She added while brandishing a grenade launcher.

Ash's eyes lit up. He pulled out his shotgun that now looked punitive to it. He gave a gesture to trade but Jill shook her head. She did however, pull out a case of rounds for it and handed them to Ash like a pack boy.

"As my friend once told me. These are powerful! Especially, against living things." Jill said in a deep voice trying to imitate this 'friend' then finished shoving the ammo at him.

"Your friend sounds like captain obvious." Ash grunted back.

The two back tracked and came once again to the magical? Typewriter/box room.

"Hey, if we pick up that typewriter and bring it with us, will it keep us safe? Like a good luck charm?" Ash asked.

Jill just gave that same confused look when he was in a panic the first time they went into the room. She then peeked through the door that entered the lobby. It was silent and looked empty. The two cautiously made way to the broken down front doors.

"STARS!" A familiar voice yelled.

In the next moment Ash grabbed Jill and brought them both to the ground. Just in time. A missle whistled past them and out the doors. It hit the pavement in the courtyard and exploded making it rain bits of grey concrete. The monster was fast this time and before they could fully get to there feet the thing reached out a large hand and grabbed jill by the throat. Ash tried to shoot it point blank but it just swatted at him, sending him flying back. Ash looked at it's other hand as it raised it close to Jill's face with its palm in the air. A slit formed and prodding out of it was a sharp, purple, slimy protrusion.

"NO!" Jill yelled, gasping for air.

Ash looked at the purple thing, then at jill and a strange thought came to mind. (See resident evil hentai for more info) After shaking the idea he looked at the grenade launcher she dropped. With a quick dash he swooped it up and snapped a round in.

"Now this is a boom stick!" Ash backed up and fired right into it's back.

Instantly, the skin torn horror dropped Jill and cried out in pain.

The two took this chance to get away from the police station grounds while the monster was stunned. Running down the street they came across a padlocked gate. Jill worked her magic and after a moment the metal curved bar popped out and the chains that binded around it unraveled and fell limp. They continued down the destroyed streets somewhat aimlessly till gun shots could be heard not far away.

"I think It came from over there." Jill said pointing up the road.

Following the noise it took them farther into town. The streets became less open. Cars, bodies, debris, pure havoc littered every road. It was silent chaos. The fact that everything around them was probably lively just hours ago sent an extra chill across the duo.

"Don't mean to kill the good vibs here but im starved." Ash said pointing at a restaurant. The sign was still lit and read 'Grill 13' the two entered to find it mosly undamaged. Walking past the dinning room they could see the half eaten meals and the spilled drinks. Signs of rushing people. Most of them probably didn't make it past the street outside, it was full of dead bodies. Both Jill and Ash came to this morbid conclusion.

"Oh baby." Ash grabbed a half eaten cold burger off one of the plates.

"Thats disgusting." Jill cringed.

"What? I've been doing good with my diet. I think a city overrun by dead and in martial law earns me a cheat day." He said while grabbing a fist full of fries from another plate and shoving them in his burger.

Jill just shook her head as he devoured it and walked back into the kitchen. She prodded around but didn't seem to find much of use. Just before looking through the last drawers she heard a soft, but distinct sound of footfalls.

"Who's there!" She demanded. Gun pointed at the end of the kitchen.

"Hold on, don't shoot! I'm not infected." A suave foreign voice pleaded.

The person came into view and it was instantly clear it was not a monster. The man was covered in military gear with a green undershirt and had an assault rifle. He had fair skin and long dark brown hair.

"Who are you?" Jill asked. She was unfamiliar with the UBCS patch on his shoulder and the uniforms color.

"My name is Carlos, it is nice to meet such a lovely lady." His smooth voice sauntered into her ears as he approached her.

"I mean um, who do you work for?" She asked, blushing a bit.

"A mercenary, I go wherever the fates so choose." He replied brushing fingers through the silk shining hair if his.

"No, no, no." The words broke the trance Carlos somewhat had on Jill. They both turned to see Ash with a mouthful of burger and ketchup on his face. Pitifully he wiped it off and placed himself between them.

"Sorry medium roast, only room for one handsome guy in this group." Ash said with smeared condiment on his magnificent **Chin**.

"Perra! You racist fool, be gone. I am talking to the lovely lady." Carlos bluffed as he spat on the ground next to Ash.

"Racist?! I'll have you know I watched CNN for 30 minutes without throwing up. Thats how anti racist I am!" Ash shot back.

The two rolled back there shoulders and puffed out chest. It was truly an alpha stand off. Jill, uncaring of the dispute looked past the serving counter and spotted the large monster that has pestered them endlessly.

"Grey hair, huh." Carlos said pointing at Ashes head while simultaneously rubbing a hand threw his own youthful, healthy locks.

"Cute, just more hair for me to grab when I punch that pretty boy face in." The two locked eyes and squinted.

"Knock it off guys, we need to go!" Jill yelled as the behemoth charged into the kitchen. Both Ash and Carlos shoved each other out of the way making an opening between them for it to run past. It slammed into the ovens at full force smashing them like a car wreck. The gas line was hit and snapped.

"This way!" Jill flailed her hands. The two ran up to her and the three crouched behind the counter on the dining room side.

"That thing just wont give up!" Ash said while peeking over into the kitchen.

The creature was already starting to stand up and recover from the impact. Jill grabbed a oil lamp sitting on one of the tables and lit it up. Both Ash and Carlos looked at her then over at the hissing gas line. They went wide eyed and hit the floor prone. She tossed it in and in the next moment the place was engulfed in flames. The explosion sent a torrent of fire over the counter for a moment then vanish. little patches of fire lay scattered about the place and the kitchen was mostly painted black.

"Damn, and I thought you couldn't be more attractive." Ash said while brushing the rubble fragments off his shoulders.

"This is my off day, you should see me when im on duty." Jill replied. The resounding success of her plan had made her mood so good she even bantered with Ash. Carlos was not as amused.

"Are you crazy!" He spat. Doing a once over his body and mosly hair for damage.

"You know, pretty boy cant handle it but I don't mind playing with fire. Even if it means getting burned a few times." Ash said while closing the gap between him and Jill.

"Ugh, back off." She pushed him away. _Had to ruin my good moment_. She thought.

The three looked at the back kitchen area and could see the large monster laying face down on the blackened floor. After a moment it started to stir and flinch an arm. This was all the sign needed to book it. They ran out the back door and into the alleyway.

"Who is UBCS?" Jill asked. She was still curious as to who this man was and why he was here and so well armed.

"Umbrella Biohazard Countermeasure Service. We are mercenaries trying to help out." He said keeping an eye on the door that was between them and that persistent monster.

"Umbrella! You are responsible for all this!" Jill gave Carlos a cold glare.

"Just not winning any points tonight, huh?" Ash added insult ro injury.

"You don't understand, i'm just a mercenary, I have nothing to do with this." Carlos defended. But before the conversation could progress the back door slammed. They didn't barricade it so it wouldn't last long.

"Just think about joining us, ok." Carlos added then ran off.

The door flung open and the huge thing clamored at Jill and Ash. In disarray they ran into separate alleys unintentionally. After some time Ash turned around to see neither Jill or the creature. He stopped and caught his breath. A familiar feeling washed over him in the silent dark narrow path. It was the feeling of being alone once again. Ash ran back to where they had split off but found no one. He punched a wall in frustration and grit his teeth. _Why didn't I pay attention_. He thought, torturing himself. Then another thought came to his mind that made him face palm.

 ** _Why didn't I chainsaw off its head when it was knocked out!_**

Next time in part four: Ada for data...No, rhymes aren't everything. Hot Asian girl messes with Emo white guy...No, too porny. Hmmmm, Chris Redfield Youtube tutorial on boulder removal. Now im not even trying.

BONUS!

Exterior: Perilous jagged mountian range with ceaseless lightning strikes. A dark structure atop it looms menacingly. Above said building writes out 'CAPCOM'

Capcom HQ interior, meeting room.

Board leader: ok guys. Resident Evil 5 wasn't the best. I mean, a big muscular, handsome, white guy beating up emaciated black zombies was not the best idea. Come on people give me something good for our next game!

Cuck boi: I think we should think of our long time fan base while also bringing in a new generation to the series. We should use the RE remake as an example. It had great graphics AND the charm that made Biohazard a classic. If we can use this formula I believe it will give a breath of fresh air and hold nostalgia.

(Meeting room is silent)

Board leader: sigh, anyone else? Someone not retarded.

(Man in the corner walks up to the end of the table and pulls out sunglasses)

Chad: This is crazy, but hear me out.

(Everyone in the meeting leans in)

Chad: POWER SLIDE (Puts on sunglasses)

(Everyone silent. The board leader starts to slow clap. Then a thunder of Applause engulfs the room)

Board leader: You beautiful man! Give this guy a pay raise and my wife!

Cuck boi: (jumps out window)

This is what went though my mind when I first played RE6.


End file.
